Sunday, November 19, 2006

King Me

This week in Peter King:

1. Pick a couple of lesser Bengals and Saints. Like tight end Reggie Kelly and wideout Devery Henderson or, if he plays, wideout Terrence Copper, who had a big fumble last week in Pittsburgh. Play one. Get a gut feeling. Why? The spillover effect from a 900-yard game, which I think will happen, means a couple of low-wattage players will blow up.

another of Peter's "pick everybody on both teams" deals...Kelly 1-32....Henderson 9-169...Copper 6-87 and a TD...I guess if you are giving out tips, the shotgun approach is a nice way to go...you will probably end up hitting something...

2. One of these weeks Joe Klopfenstein will have a big day at tight end for the Rams, and with the hard-charging Panther pass-rush coming aggressively at Marc Bulger, I'd pick this day. Klopfenstein has only nine catches, but his per-catch average is 14.4 yards.

yeah, one of these weeks he will...but not this week...one catch for 18 yds...this is the second time Peter has given us the Klopfenstein...both times with equally worthless results...PETER, if you are gonna rehash old tips, PLEASE use the ones (or one) that came thru!!!

3. Dick Jauron was born to run, even though he's not from New Jersey. That's why Anthony Thomas is a great play this weekend against the softish Texans.

Peter says ride the A-Train...if you did, you got 19-56 and no TDs...the Texans' defense may be soft....but Peter's pick is even fluffier...

4. I'm not sure exactly what this means as you plan your lineup, because I cannot definitely tell you to "Play Jake Plummer. Play Rod Smith.'' I do know this. Denver's going to have a chance to put up 30 on San Diego ... a very good chance. Not only will the Chargers be without pass-rusher Shawne Merriman (steroid suspension), but also out is invaluable defensive tackle Luis Castillo, sidelined for two weeks with a sprained ankle.

and we aren't exactly sure what your tip is, Peter...you aren't telling us to play Plummer or Smith..so, wtf are you telling us?...how is the Bronc's offense having a "very good chance" of putting up 30 on the Bolts a fantasy tip?...Peter, is this your special way of finally telling us you don't know wtf you are doing?...almost forgot...Denver didn't put up 30...

5. Can you still pick up Reche Caldwell? With Doug Gabriel having gone cold for New England, Caldwell's been the Patriots' best wideout weapon. He could have a 100-yard day in Green Bay.

I like your style on this one, Peter..."could have a 100 yard day"...way not to commit...oh, and Caldwell went 3-70... so, Peter "could" be wrong...

6. It's going to be a nice day at the Meadowlands ... and nice for the Bears' physical offensive weapons. Got a trade pending for Muhsin Muhammad? Pull the trigger. He's facing the Jets and Patriots secondaries the next two weeks.

and if you picked up Muhammad today....you got 2 catches and 29 yards...the only trigger i wanna pull has a barrel pointed at Peter...

7. This shouldn't come as a surprise, except maybe for its volume. But if I were you, and I had Julius Jones and Marion Barber, I'd play them both against the Colts. As Indy GM Bill Polian told me Friday: "Bad matchup for us.'' Physical Dallas run game vs. an Indy defense that gives up 5.1 yards per carry.

Barber only 35 yards, but 2 TDs...and Jones 79 yards...I guess we can give this one to Peter...although it doesn't add up to a ton of points...like a stopped clock...he is right twice a day on Sundays...

8. Oh, and play Tony Romo. He won't have Bob Sanders (injured knee) to scare the bejeezus out of him in the Colts secondary.

I dunno, what do you think...is 226 yards and no TD's a terrifying fantasy day?...what really scares the bejeezus out of people is that Peter is referred to as a "football expert" in some circles...

9. I've told you several times to ride Maurice Jones-Drew until he drops. My Jag-Giants advice: Ride Maurice Jones-Drew until he drops. No one in Jacksonville can catch, so they'll try to run all night.

Peter is doing so shitty this week, we aren't even going to bother to wait for this game to post...we will GIVE this one to Peter, sight unseen, and label it the stopped clock being right for that second time...


10. My unknown-guy tip of the week last Friday was Mark Bradley of the Bears. Worked out okay. Tip of the week this time: Owen Daniels. Houston tight end. He'll score this week ... and give you 80 receiving yards.

well, well...listen to Peter...sounding a little cocky there, isn't he...what are the odds of having tips two weeks in a row work out...let's see...Daniels: 1-10 and no TDS...sometimes it just seems like blind luck when he actually is right, doesn't it?...Peter, what did we tell you about the retread tips that didn't work out the first time?...a few weeks ago you gave us Daniels...and he gave us squat...

What was the deal with giving us the two tight end picks of guys you picked a few weeks ago? You were wrong to weeks ago...Peter, you are just getting lazy now! What, are you just gonna keep throwing these guys at us until they have a break out week...and then pat yourself on the back for giving us the Klopfenstein or Daniels? How bout giving these guys a shot and not mentioning them in your tips again, ok?..Jeezus...the requirements to be a guru sure have become lax...

Ladies and Gentlemen: Peter King, your football expert and fantasy guru!

5 Comments:

At 1:51 PM, Blogger SteveJeltzFan said...

Good column.
I've said this before (mostly to myself): Peter King is a above average journalist specializing in football. When it comes to the game of football, he knows jack shit.

 
At 1:51 PM, Blogger Jeff said...

But boy was he right on the money about the orange-mocha frappacino!

Who wants to gasoline fight?

 
At 2:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The problem with King's Cooper pick: He qualifies it with an "if he plays" --

"Pick a couple of lesser Bengals and Saints. Like ... wideout Devery Henderson or, if he plays, wideout Terrence Copper,..."

But you've got to make your picks before you know if somebody plays or not!

 
At 3:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You gotta give him more credit for the Caldwell suggestion though. He didn't crack a 100 yards, but he did add a TD to go along with those 70 yards.

 
At 4:39 PM, Anonymous pass_the_bourbon said...

umm..we give Peter credit for nothing around here.. :)

 

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