Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Judging Peter

See, here is why Peter King sucks…well, some of the many reasons:

"I'm not here to judge any of that. I'm here to analyze how he played in a crucial 26-10 loss to the Jaguars on Monday night. I charted his 41 throws and made this simple judgment on each of them: Was the ball thrown on target (within the plane of the body on a curl route, for example, or in stride on a cross or sideline throw); was it thrown too high or too far in front of the receiver to catch; was it thrown behind the receiver; or was it broken up by a defender at the line of scrimmage or downfield?"

You suck Peter...not here to judge anything...but you broke down every single throw he made and judged each one?...hey, you are a sports columnist...it's OK to judge...just quit with the BS act of "hey, fellas...I'm everyone's friend...I'm not here to judge"...I think what I hate most about Peter is that he has no sack...none.

"No way. Manning, Brady, Drew Brees and Carson Palmer are more invaluable to their teams right now. Remember 2002? The Eagles went 4-1 with A.J. Feeley playing quarterback, and it would have been 5-0 had David Akers made a chip-shot and beat the Giants."

There are many, many examples of why all those QB's are "more invaluable" to their teams right now...but Peter sites an example from 2002 to show us why McNabb is less valuable right now?...jeezus...next week he is gonna work in reverse and site reasons from this year why Aaron Brooks was a lousy quarterback two years ago...

Peter, I rue the day I first read you...but like a horrific car crash...I must stop and look at the carnage that is your column...I must witness the blight that you are on sports journalism...like a disciple of the devil, I pour over your fantasy tips...weighing the egregious suggestions against real outcomes, which inevitably, are wrong 85% of the time...I read your MMQB column, that document of deju vu you submit each week...which seems to pride itself in rehashing the painfully obvious but attempting to fool us into thinking there is some modicum of original thought or "insider" information contained in there...masking your mundane contributions to the weekend's happenings by camouflaging them with references to calling players on the phone and talking to this big wig or that big wig...and then feeding us information we have known for weeks...but I read...every column...I can no longer help myself...you have become my penance...through you I shall cleanse my soul...through you I shall achieve football divinity...you are my daily exercise in self flagellation...like a cilice tightened around my bleeding upper thigh, your "knowledge" will provide me salvation and clarity...it is only through the pain you administer that I will reach football nirvanah...the blood you let is my constant reminder of the only hope for those that enter your world...suffer the greatest pain...bask in the greatest pleasure...so, keep the blood flowing...slice me with your words...carve me with your insights (that my 10 year old mentioned two weeks prior)...flog me with your humorless anecdotes about travel...disembowel me with your colonoscopy play by play...blind me with references to your daughter...scald me with your coffee reviews...lobotomize me with the things you think you thunk...I feel no more pain...with an iron will and steady jaw...I scream: FREEDOM!...the pain has set me free!


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